22
Sep
09

Still here?

So, the rapture hasn’t taken me, or anyone else for that matter. The electricity hasn’t suddenly cut off, the internet still works, my vehicle still runs; yep, pretty normal day.

Guess this means another failed prophecy.

rapture fail

Wait, here’s a fixed version:

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7 Responses to “Still here?”


  1. September 22, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    I’m still here. But I don’t think I was expected by the prophets to be Raptured up into Heaven anyway. Good news though: now that we know for certain that the Rapture happened today, we can be sure that anyone still on Earth who claims to be a Christian isn’t a “True Christian”. Spread the good news!

  2. 2 jaredcormier
    September 22, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    I had thought of that, but they’ll just say “The Lard had a change of plans”

    It’s so frequent that these things happen. We also have another one to get ready for which is being screamed about by the apocalyptic hopefuls: December 21, 2012.

    Prophecy: the art of making a prediction so vague it will eventually happen. Not the same as hypothetical predictions which are very specific and should be accurate if the subject is understood properly. Because humans tend to forget the misses and remember the hits, prophecy (and astrological readings, psychic readings, etc.) tend to be remembered as accurate even with extreme failure rates.

  3. 3 mac
    September 22, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    “The Lard had a change of plans”

    But I thought he knew everything.
    How ever will we know what this Lard you write of really means, if he keeps changing his perfect mind?

  4. September 23, 2009 at 12:42 am

    I don’t know why, but these freaks who try to sell things like the rapture and the end of the world to folks sometimes annoy me.

  5. 5 Pliny-the-in-Between
    September 23, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    Apparently I was notified of my place in the 144,000 by email but alas it was blocked by my spam filter and I am stuck with all of you. I just assumed it was another Viagra spam… Damn!

  6. 6 jaredcormier
    September 23, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    Funny how >144,000 people die per day…
    I can’t help but to dwell on how small that number actually is. It’s less than .002% of the current population. Let’s think about that for a second, that’s 1/5 of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, 1/10 of Mormons, or 1/100 of the total number of Baptists living at any given time. Pretty small success rate, isn’t it? I mean, this is what these people are striving for, to be more like their deity than 99%, 90%, or 80% of all of the others in their own religions. And let’s keep in mind that only one of them would be correct, and thus closer to “the truth”tm.

    These are the same people that say the odds of evolution resulting in the complexity of life are astronomical. Even if it were the case that evolution would require some incredibly low odds, would they be higher than the <1/50,000 shot they have of making it to heaven? That's only the ratio if the thing they are hoping for actually happens at all AND it's during their lifetime. Both of these premises are subject to compounding statistical improbabilities.

    The only thing left for them to do is retreat into the "god is love" defense which, frankly, is about as meaningful as all the other metaphysical pseudophilosophical vomit spewed by theologians for centuries.

    So "god" is now an emotion, but when we finally unravel all the neurological mysteries of emotion, will god be oxytocin? NGF? Reproductive hormonal secretions in the presence of elevated NGF?

  7. September 23, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    And yet, despite that small number of actual people predicted to get into Heaven/be Raptured (it’s not quite clear if I recall…), the Rapture scenarios (like, from the Left Behind series or the addled minds of the Rapture Ready forum members) all seem to involve a sudden vanishing that effectively cripples society due to the sheer number suddenly gone. Surely, our society would crumble without that .05% of the U.S. population (assuming that EVERYONE raptured came from our country alone).


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