22
Feb
10

New Medicine!

Have you ever been fooled by advertisements claiming they will stop you from contracting influenza? Has someone ever told you that a certain herb can cure your genital warts, only to discover later that it was just a big con to steal your money? Well, your problems are over, with the new and improved Perspicuus Bolus. Normally, for as little as $30/month, you can have the wool removed from your eyes. These thieving frauds will never again be able to fool you with their ads for overpriced wax or water.  But wait, with this special price, you get it for only $2/day. You too can avoid being fooled by advertisements promising magical cures. Perspicuus Bolus, if taken daily, will allow you to see through those cleverly disguised ads.1 Guaranteed2 or your money back!3
Side effects may include poverty, bad credit, heart disease, nausea, vomiting, starvation, and depression.

For your one month supply, send $54.99 plus $5.00 Shipping and Handling to the address below.

1:These claims have not been evaluated by the FDA
2: guarantee only applies if the product is used for two months and only applies to one month
3: cost of shipping not included in guarantee

For those of you that didn’t get the joke: perspicuus is Latin for “transparent” and bolus is Latin for “large pill”
I wonder why so many people don’t want to say that the Emperor is naked….

If you really want to send me that much money for large, invisible pills, go right ahead. I’ll be sure to send an empty bottle to the return address.

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2 Responses to “New Medicine!”


  1. February 23, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    My wife’s cousin, with overall good intent, met with me shortly after my retirement to share a business plan. He and his wife are part of an organization that distributes a fruit juice and some related products that improve health in some anecdotally supported ways. I listened to the presentation, and inquired as to the cost. For my wife and myself it would cost just $200 for the basic plan. However, we could easily make that up in sales.

    This gentleman had experienced such fine results that he discontinued his blood pressure medications. He had a heart attack a couple of weeks ago. Granted, it may not be related to the discontinuation of his medications or any other such factor. He just may have been due for a heart attack.

    I suspect he may be in the market for a new product. Should I put him in contact with you?

    No, I didn’t go for it. I can’t afford that much money for fruit juice, and I suck at sales.

    Mike

  2. 2 jaredcormier
    February 23, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    Well, it is known that high levels of fruits and vegetables (in the 25th-75th percentile of fruit and vegetable consumption) in diets can decrease blood pressure by about 4-8%. It is likely that this individual had additional problems, such as high cholesterol or trigs. Also, most people won’t be given drugs to simply decrease blood pressure by 10%-which is the maximum dietary changes will yield. My mother, for example, had pre-medication bp of 150/90; a 10% decrease would only get it down to 135/81; still high. Her current bp on medication is 120/80; a 20% decrease in systolic and a 10% decrease in diastolic, but still a little high, so increasing fruit and vegetable intake to lower it an additional 2-4% would help.

    If his bp dropped 20% from drinking juice, it was laced with a sedative, or he accompanied this with a decrease in stress, increase in physical exercise, quit smoking, or something else along those lines.


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